God Loves Fags

Attention Straight People!

I'm sorry, but you're on the way out.

You have too many children,

and devour the resources of Earth,

resources which everyone must share.

Your gender polarizations

create emotional imbalances

which permeate society.

You tend to dress badly.

We have tolerated you for ages,

but now that we are at a tipping point,

and overpopulation endangers the planet,

you are going to have to try harder

to fit into our society.

I know, you're saying,

"But I was born this way"

"This is who I AM!"

I'm sorry. You're the one

who made the choice to BE straight.

You must also bear the consequences.

As we know,

gay people are the only people on earth

guaranteed to never have children

by accident.

Were you more responsible with YOUR procreation,

perhaps we could give you some leeway,

but unfortunately due to your obsession

with aberrative penile-vaginal intercourse,

you just keep having children.

And we are running out of room.

So, though we are sorry to say it,

straight people simply have no place

in our modern society.

Luckily for you,

there are plenty available

who can help you make the transition

to your natural state,

where God truly wants you to be.

If you have any questions about gayness,

ask someone! A priest, for example.

He should be able to get you right on track.

Yes, it is somewhat sad.

We always enjoyed your organized sports,

your car-based competitions,

your charming repressive urges.

Unfortunately, we simply cannot afford

to have any more babies clogging the Earth.

I'm sure you understand.

In the future, if you can display

that you have finally gotten

your procreative urges under control,

we may reconsider.

Until that point, no fucking.

And try to keep the music low?

(it's really terrible)

Thank you!

 

R

Profundity Abounds

Modern humans view Government

as one of their grandest creations, as a race.

Which seems foolish,

when you consider,

that government only exists,

because humans don't trust each other.

What all religions have in common,

is what they have right.

They differ,

only in the ways that they miss the point.

Contemplating the Meaning of Life,

is simply a sign of boredom.

If you're enjoying yourself,

you tend not to care.

The true disparity between the genders?

Hanging your tits out = free lunch at a restaurant.

Hanging your cock out = "Free Jeff" on a picket sign.

Regardless of what people may say to the contrary,

we are only, ever, afraid,

of that which we desire.

R

"My Other Car is a Car also"

Actual license plate frame spotted in the SFV recently:

"Jenny and Melissa

Love Hot-Tub play with Grandpa"

Where...does one file such a thing?

It did remind me of my own

never-produced license plate frame concepts:

"Porn Stars

do it on camera",

"Prostitutes

do it with strangers for cash",

"Oral Surgeons

do it in your mouth while you're unconscious".

Yes, I am THAT awesome.

 R

Conversations with Gawd

"God?"


"Yes, my child?"


"What year is it, in Heaven?"


"Why, it is always Now."


"And how long have you existed?"


"Forever."


"Well, when will you die?"


"Never, my child."


"Well, can you tell me when I'll die?"


"Nah, I don't want to ruin your weekend."







"God?"


"Yes, my child."


"Does true love exist?"


"Of course it does.
I feel true love
for every atom of my creation."


"Well, I've met someone,
and I love her with all my heart.
Should I ask her to marry me?"


"Hmm...does she have big tits?"







"God?"


"..."


"God??"


"..."


"GOD?!?!"


"WHAT, Jesus! I'm sleeping here!"


"Sorry my Lord, I have a question."


"*sigh* Alright, what is it?"


"Lord, what is the purpose of life?


"The purpose...of life...
is to be VERY, VERY QUIET,
so that God can SLEEP, OK?
Very quiet."


"...ok, yes, but-"


"What did I say?
You wanted the purpose, I gave it.
You don't want to go to Hell, do you?"


"Well, no, of course n-"


"Exactly, now shut the fuck up
and let God sleep, 'kay?
...christ...always in the middle
of a good sex dream, too..."




R