Conversations with Gawd

"God?"


"Yes, my child?"


"What year is it, in Heaven?"


"Why, it is always Now."


"And how long have you existed?"


"Forever."


"Well, when will you die?"


"Never, my child."


"Well, can you tell me when I'll die?"


"Nah, I don't want to ruin your weekend."







"God?"


"Yes, my child."


"Does true love exist?"


"Of course it does.
I feel true love
for every atom of my creation."


"Well, I've met someone,
and I love her with all my heart.
Should I ask her to marry me?"


"Hmm...does she have big tits?"







"God?"


"..."


"God??"


"..."


"GOD?!?!"


"WHAT, Jesus! I'm sleeping here!"


"Sorry my Lord, I have a question."


"*sigh* Alright, what is it?"


"Lord, what is the purpose of life?


"The purpose...of life...
is to be VERY, VERY QUIET,
so that God can SLEEP, OK?
Very quiet."


"...ok, yes, but-"


"What did I say?
You wanted the purpose, I gave it.
You don't want to go to Hell, do you?"


"Well, no, of course n-"


"Exactly, now shut the fuck up
and let God sleep, 'kay?
...christ...always in the middle
of a good sex dream, too..."




R